Monthly Archives: February 2010

Have a Cigar (Also: Shmartness)

February 12, 2010
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Have a Cigar (Also: Shmartness)

Homie Base was just beginning, and kids were still straggling through the door and jabbering at each other and at me, and I felt a poke in my shoulder. Someone was penetrating the bubble. At first I ignored it. Maybe I was mistaken; surely they know better than that. But the poking continued. Finally I turned, and there was Mrs. G, she of the infamous line, “I’m sick and tired of smelling your nuts.” A fixture at our school, and in our district. No other teacher in the district (450+ teachers) has been here longer (45 years — my wife had her in jr. high). I like to joke that in 25 years, the only teachers who’ll still be here will be me and Mrs. G. She has her hands behind her back and she’s doing her thing of repeating a phrase out of the blue, as if you’re supposed to understand what she’s talking about. And because you don’t understand what non-sequiturs like, “Can you believe what that woman is doing to us?” mean, she repeats it to aid in your understanding. (This one was about our head of IST — I figured this one out right away. The

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“You don’t look as mean!”

February 10, 2010
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I finally got shorn. Like the wooly black-faced sheep in The Midwife’s Apprentice. Usually I begrudgingly (vocabulary word this week!) get two haircuts a year.  But I seemed to have missed one this year. So it was a double shocker when I showed up Tuesday looking “fresh.” I usually unlock my door at about 8:00 — we start at 8:20 — and I was in my comfy, rolling desk  chair I usually teach from, but with my back to the door, when the first girl came in at 8:02. She’s borderline OCD (“I love writing KBAR responses — I did 4 pages last night!”), and a little bit, shall we say, skittish. She ALWAYS jumps when the timer goes off, and she screams at the drop of a hat. (Although that’s not unusual in a seventh grade girl.) She comes in the door, and starts to say, “Where’s Mr. Cowa…” I turn my chair. She screams and runs out the door. Throughout the day, kids who would have me later in the day, who had heard the scuttlebutt (we have Charlotte Doyle coming up, so I’m getting in the mood), would walk slowly by the open door and stare. And point.

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Test-Taking Tip

February 8, 2010
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As my loyal readers may remember, I passed the dreaded CTEL test last June. Having a CLAD certificate (which passing the CTEL gives you) is the only way to remain employed as a teacher in California, and a lot of teachers are going through a lot of stress these days as the deadline for passing looms. The pe and math teachers at our site have been particularly stressed about it. Several didn’t pass the first section (the one with all the lingo and language acquisition theory) the first time, and were really worried about the retake in December. Some of them asked for advice on passing. “You’re an English teacher; you know what a morpheme and a phoneme are, and you’re used to writing essays and stuff (there are three “open ended response” essays over the course of the three sections). No wonder you didn’t have any problem.” My tips for them came down to four things. “You can game this test, especially the essays. This is the kind of thing where the test writers have a party line, an ideology. They want to hear their own words back. “One. Read the book. Focus especially on the vocabulary and the little scenarios that

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Shmart?

February 4, 2010
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I have a SmartBoard in my room these days. When we were awash in grant money a few years ago, our site bought three. Two were mounted in classrooms, and we put the third one on wheels (just like the pic in the link) so it could be moved from room to room. The idea was that one would allow people to try out the idea and learn how to incorporate it into actual lessons. Then we might buy more. The reality was that when I got all the software dialed in and all the issues worked out so I could do tech support for the others (about a month), I passed it on to my then-BTSA mentee for his social studies classroom. I figured with all the maps and pics and suchlike, he might be able to use it more fully than I could in English. I mostly just doodled on it. He’s had it ever since. A week or two ago, he asked me if I wanted it back. He said he hadn’t been using it that much, and he was going in the computer lab for a while, and then…etc. He wasn’t going to use it for

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Seventh Grader with a Badge

February 3, 2010
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Those of us who have been teaching junior high for awhile (and still like it) know that part of the enjoyment of the job is the opportunity to act like a seventh grader now and then. Some of us take that opportunity more often than others. In the movie 48 Hours, which was the last Eddie Murphy movie I’ve seen, there’s a great scene in the all-white cowboy bar, when Eddie gets all bad cop on them and says, “I’m your worst nightmare, I’m a n***** with a badge…” (Obviously the quote, coming from a young Eddie Murphy, has been cleaned up a bit.) I have always considered myself a sort of  ”seventh grader with a badge.” In some of my battles with district administration over the years, I’m sure they’ve had similar thoughts. Anyway. Lately the kids have been working on one of the few things I actually use that came with our literature anthologies. (I will devote a whole ‘nother post to the lameness of said anthologies. I didn’t even bother to write numbers on my set of  giant books – 8 pounds! As if the kids’ backpacks aren’t giant enough– because I didn’t send them home. We read

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Random Featured Post

True That.

We had an open mouth quiz on chapter 8 today. One class has several boys who have a new phrase they’re trying out. Personally, I sort of like it. 4) On p127, we get an example of what seems to be foreshadowing. What is it? a) When Two-Bit says that Darry will kill him if Pony’s really sick. b) When Two-Bit says Darry could be a Soc. c) When Pony says he has a helpless feeling. d) When Two-Bit calls Pony chicken. e) When Pony says he’ll be well by tonight. “OK, number four. What’s foreshadowing?” The class takes care of that one for me. Most of them laugh, and one says, “I was wrong.” (Pony’s line at the end of chapter three, and a beauty example for them of foreshadowing.) “Oh yeah. Ok, so it’s C, right?” “True that.” “Number six. Darry, I mean Dally (they always mix up those names), right?” “True that.” (me, doing some “refocusing” of a gentleman off to the side) “‘Clark,’ could you focus your comments on the questions? Open mouth only applies if that mouth is talking about the questions.” “True that.” “And I think we’re done with that line, for today at [...]

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Mr. Coward has been teaching on the beautiful central coast of California since 1989.

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Recent Comments

  • mrC commented on It’s Go Time!@Sarah-Most excellent! Keep up the good work, and don't let any of them talk you out of it. Glad to hear your kids recognize the value too. Fight the good fight!
  • Mrs. M~ commented on Illin’Feel better soon! There is nothing worse than being at school and trying to be "on" when you feel like death.
  • Sarah commented on It’s Go Time!I just came across your blog...I am a second year teacher and I am currently reading The Outsiders aloud to my seventh graders. I read it to them last year, too. I catch a lot of criticism for reading it to them...but they LOVE to have me read to them. I actually had a group
  • joan commented on Illin’I'm on day two of out-with-the-crud. I needed the rest. Hope you're in tip top shape by Monday!
  • mrC commented on “The Sub Used One of Your Sticks!”That one oughta be strung up like they used to do to horse thieves.
  • Heather commented on “The Sub Used One of Your Sticks!”The last sub I had left no note at all and broke the arm of my spinny chair by leaning back in it so far that he fell in the floor. The kids all said he was the best sub ever. I politely asked the school secretary to never have him sub in
  • mrC commented on The Future of Space Travel@Heather: Gawd I hate that. I think I even posted about it awhile back. @Kelli: This reminds me of high school. I went to a Jesuit high school (all boys) and for our Friday football rallies, we would import cheerleaders from other schools to be a part of the rally. And the girls would always begin
  • Heather commented on The Future of Space TravelMy eighth graders just have the habit of prefacing every question with, "I have a question." And announcing "I'm done" when they complete an assignment.
  • Kelli commented on The Future of Space TravelIs it bad that I sometimes start my stories with "Okay, so...."...? I guess the kids have rubbed off on me. Sigh.
  • Kelli commented on Blogging the Scoring Session (Part I)Ugh! Been there. I have been to those "Scoring and Rubric" type meetings in two different states now... Not fun, and not entirely informative, either.
  • Meg commented on No Groove Yet (Also: The Giver and No Homework Returns)There was a district I student taught in that hand the no fail policy. I child could not be held back a grade, even if they did absolutely nothing the whole year, until they were in high school. It took most of the middle schoolers about 3 seconds to realize they didn't have
  • Kelli commented on No Groove Yet (Also: The Giver and No Homework Returns)You know, that whole "no-zero" policy goes hand-in-hand with the "no-failure" or "no-retention" policy, and my school district is a definite contributor to this madness. I can understand the desire to stop giving zeros and MAKE the kids do the work (giving countless opportunities until successful), but I have been in a situation where
  • commented on Obligatory Santa VideoWe have an unofficial "no zero" policy. It takes a little extra effort on the teacher's part to get all of the students to complete their assignments but we have made it work. The thing that was most helpful was instituting a "homework detention" that is separate from discipline detention. If a

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