The heatwave finally broke, and we finally reached Outsiders chapter 4. Pretty much every year about the third week of September or so, we get a heatwave around these parts. This year was no different. Well maybe a little. For one, the heat was almost a week later than usual. Secondly, it was the hottest stretch in a loooong time. 107. 111. 110. 107. Something like that; I lost track. I LOVE hot weather, but this was giving Vegas in July a run for its money. And we average 68-75 pretty much year round. Even in winter. The kids were dying. And those that weren’t dying were working the dress code. Hard. Anyway, I’ve been illing a bit for the last couple days, and we had an assembly during the last period of the day, which happens to be my prep. So I pawned my slaves off to other teachers, and went home early to take a nap. I am a big fan of naps. The kids always think I’m joking when I say that when they’re finished with the Friday test, they can, “doodle, Trackword, read, or put your head down on your desk and go nigh nigh.” “Really? We can sleep?” “If
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OMG. You people rock. Back in the day, when I started using the three-word phrase shtick in my back-to-school night gigs, I used to run through five or six for the parental units, just to illustrate my point about the way middle schoolers “communicate.” A couple of days ago, we were up to 16. Thanks to you, I think we’re headed for a top twenty instead of a top ten. 1. “It’s not fair.” – Used for anything they don’t like. 2. “This is boring.” – See #1. 3. “What’s my grade?” – “I am pretending I care.” 4. “What I miss?” – See #3. 5. “I don’t care.” – “I really do care, but I don’t think I can do anything about it.” 6. “I don’t know.” – “I might know, but can’t admit it, because then I would face consequences.” Or, if that is not the case, “I don’t even know what the question was.” 7. “I SAW you.” – “I can’t believe you exist outside the classroom.” 8. “I hate ____.” (math, you, cauliflower, etc.) – See #1. 9. “S’not my fault.” – “It really is my fault.” 10. “I’ve a question.” – “I really do (or
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Thanks to couple of handy, and memory-jogging, suggestions from Ms. W. over there in the comments, our list of junior high three-word phrases has grown. Here are the original 12: 1. “It’s not fair.” – Used for anything they don’t like. 2. “This is boring.” – See #1. 3. “What’s my grade?” – “I am pretending I care.” 4. “What I miss?” – See #3. 5. “I don’t care.” – “I really do care, but I don’t think I can do anything about it.” 6. “I don’t know.” – “I might know, but can’t admit it, because then I would face consequences.” Or, if that is not the case, “I don’t even know what the question was.” 7. “I SAW you.” – “I can’t believe you exist outside the classroom.” 8. “I hate ____.” (math, you, cauliflower, etc.) – See #1. 9. “S’not my fault.” – “It really is my fault.” 10. “I’ve a question.” – “I really do (or did) have a question, but it might (probably) not have anything to do with what you’re talking about.” 11. “It’s at home.” – “I didn’t do it.” 12. “Because it’s fun.” – “Because it annoys you.” We now have four
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After I posted yesterday about IHAQ’s, I realized that when most of my questionoholics say, “I have a question,” it really sounds like, “I’ve a question.” This pronunciation makes it yet another three-word-phrase we can add to the list of essential junior high “communication.” If we were to write an Oxford-style dictionary of all junior high phrases, we surely wouldn’t need more than a single sheet of paper. (Most of them couldn’t even come up with a decent slang word to write a paragraph about. I had half of them write about “cool” and the rest were “sick.”) And the three-word phrase section would be most of our dictionary. Here’s the latest iteration of the list with handy translations. 1. “It’s not fair.” – Used for anything they don’t like. 2. “This is boring.” – See #1. 3. “What’s my grade?” – “I am pretending I care.” 4. “What I miss?” – See #3. I already talked about those four classics here. ‘Nuff said. 5. ”I don’t care.” – “I really do care, but I don’t think I can do anything about it.” 6. “I don’t know.” – “I might know, but can’t admit it, because then I would face
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You all know the type. They might as well just walk in the door with their hand up. Actually some sort of do. They are the question machines, also known as IHAQ’s (pronounced I Hacks). “I have a question.” They have a question about EVERYTHING, many times BEFORE you even start talking. I have a couple of serious IHAQ’s this year. One girl would be a lock to win one of those challenges on Survivor where you have to keep your hand over your head or your bucket of water puts out your fire or something. I have a question. Actually I have four. Is that ok? One: Why do they always say, “I have a question”? Of course you have a question; that’s why you raised your hand. And if you have a comment, rather than a question, you can still just raise your hand, and make your comment. You don’t have to preface it with, “I have a comment.” It’s like those kids who think a conclusion to an essay sounds like this, “…And that’s why I think cheese-making should be an elective in the seventh grade wheel…” Well, duh. Two: When the hand is up, what is
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This afternoon, I asked my friend and colleague, in his experiences with junior high, how many times he could remember seeing two seventh grade boys hugging. Sincerely. “Like a man-hug, or a real one?” “What’s a man hug?” “You know, you start out with the soul shake, and then you pull in and sorta bump chests, and then the other hand sorta slaps the back.” “Not that kind.” “Ummm. None.” “I knew it. It was a first for me too!” Milk and Cheese, the “True That” boys, were at it again. They were moving their desks closer together (again), like they like to do, and jabbering nonsense. Nothing major, and technically it was before class, but I said, “Well the quarter does end Friday, and I change up the seating chart every quarter, so next week I get to move you guys far, far apart.” One of our recent vocabulary words was crestfallen. I should have taken a picture of them to use as an example. Milk holds out both arms pleadingly (and it if it wasn’t sincere, he should be an actor) and says, “But…But…But… What about The Team?” OMG. The class is dying. Half of them are happy [...]
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