Ok, where were we? Ah yes, it’s 3:30, the meeting is finally starting (10 minutes late), my agenda sheet is filled with menacing doodles, and I’m headed back to the snack table for more of those peanut butter cookies.

3:31 – First agenda item: Tardy Policy. OMG. How many times do we have to do this one? Every year it’s the same thang: Management Team talks about last year’s policy (which is the same as the year before), and then sends it to the whole faculty to talk about. What’s to talk about? It’s been in the student handbook forever: 1st tardy = this, second tardy = that…blah, blah, blah. Just go down the list, or make up your own. It really just comes down to enforcement. Jeez Louise, just kick ass and take names. Growl at them. Make it painful to be late. It ain’t that hard. But nooooooooo. We have people locking kids out (I sort of like that one), kids getting suspended for too many tardies…and evidently a whole lot of people who want to “share” their troubles.

“They just stand around right outside the door and then…”

“I have one kid who…”

“I just started locking the door at 2:05.”

“I think we should reduce the passing period back to four minutes. We had a lot less (sic) tardies when we only had four minute passing periods.”

(Grammar Tip: For things you can count, like tardies, you say fewer. For things you can’t count, like water, you say less.)

We also had two electives when we had seven periods. Sorry. The speaker is correct, but she’s also missing the point. That horse left the barn years ago. We still have this discussion every year, we always decide to leave things alone, and then everybody grumbles that should have changed things, and the whole process starts again. And even if we did want to change the schedule like that, it ain’t gonna happen during a dagburn faculty meeting. You know there would have to be a committee to study the issue and outline alternatives, and then those alternatives would go to Management Team to be further dissected and remade, and THEN we would get something to argue about and vote on. And that ain’t gonna happen again in our lifetimes. SO…

3:50 – We stumble into agenda item two. Can’t eat any more, or I’ll get a cramp when I skate. If it’s winter, and there’s no Daylight Savings Time, this is the point where I start to get antsy. We are literally burning daylight. Doodles get more scrawly, and flying saucers and lasers are added to the guillotines.

3:51 – Second agenda item: Bus Duty.  See the previous item for the committee-g0-round on this one too. Again, it usually boils down to a lack of KAaTN. And not enough back-up from admin. But if you’ve been doing this awhile you should be used to that by now. Also again, that item’s on the agenda mostly  so people can share their horror stories and complain about getting stuck with bus duty a disproportionate number of times. Talk to management in his office, baby. Yes you got juked, but testifying at the meeting ain’t going to fix that. I swear bus duty must come up at at least two or three meetings per year. Tardies? Same. Change? None.

4:04 – Oh good, now someone wants to start discussing how duties are divvied up. Red Alert: Not On Agenda!

4:05 – Some of us are fading fast. Mr. Perry (math) is now snoozing against the wall like always (really, every time), Mrs. Noyes (science) is grading papers (like always), I’ve had to steal someone else’s agenda in order to continue doodling. (My dentist said I have to stop grinding my teeth; I’m almost out of enamel. If I stop doodling, I start grinding.) Mr. Potter (social studies) joins Mr. Perry in the Land of Nod. The pe table is swapping jokes, except for Mr. Murrow, who’s trying to make sure that we at least get something done amid all the jabbering. (Sometimes, he steals the agenda off the overhead and makes copies for us, since that sometimes doesn’t quite get done.)

4:09 – Non-agenda item discussion averted. New committee started. On my way back from the snack table (just one more cookie), I sit closer to the door.

4:10 – Mrs. Bailey (art) wants to pause and thank everyone for bringing spare shoes for a drawing project. One minute, right? hahahahaha!

4:15 – Third agenda item. (Of seven.)

You see what these meetings do to you? I’m headed for part four?!