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Illin’

February 2, 2012
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Illin’

I’ve been one of the walking dead for the past several days (it feels like a hangover–or, ahem, so I’m told– with a cough). I finally called in for a sub this morning. I forgot that practically every math teacher in the district was supposed to be at their version of our “benchmark scoring day.” The difference with the math people is that they were required to come; ours was voluntary. So. It seems every sub in the district was out. My boy tells me that his class had a different sub than the other classes which means that they were covering my classes with the other subs’ preps. D’oh. I used to hate doing that when I was a sub. The boy said his was 10 minutes late, and they were stuck outside the door, milling around. Which, as you know, seventh graders don’t do quietly. Another teacher shushed them a bit until the sub showed up…without a key. I looked online, and roll got taken in only three classes. Double d’oh. Anyway, I have spent almost every moment not at school asleep (yes, even on my bike to and from), so I only have enough energy right now

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Da dum…Da dum Da dum Da dum…Da dum…

January 4, 2011
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Da dum…Da dum Da dum Da dum…Da dum…

I’m trying to phonetically represent the theme from Jaws. You know, the whole approaching shark thing. Da dum. The dreaded 120 Seconds is coming! It’s January, and time for my crew to publicly display their mad oral reading and public speaking skills. Da dum, Da dum, Da dum. “Has anyone ever peed their pants?” “No, but I had one run out the door…’I'm going to be reading from…uh…’ and BAM, she was gone out the door. I sent somebody after her after about five minutes. I think that one came close.” “What’s the record for likes and uhs?” “120. We had to give her another chance the next day. She got it down to 11.” “What if I read from Winnie the Pooh?” “Did you really like it?” (sheepish) “Yes.” “”Well then, you read from Winnie the Pooh.” “What if your friend is in the audience making you laugh?” “One: Get rid of him as a friend. Two: He’d lose points on his, and you’d get to start over. Three: There is no third thing.” “Can I really get into it? And like, wear a wizard’s hat and have a magic wand for reading Harry Potter?” “That’d be beauty. Too

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Detention. Also: Alternative Careers III.

February 17, 2010
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Joe B, one of my recent 120 Seconds presentation examples, has been feeling a bit sporty these days. I have him on what we call, “Perma-Detention.” “You keep coming in at break until I tell you to stop. And that won’t be any time soon, at the rate you’re going…looks like until AT LEAST the end of the year.” “So, I have 88 more days of detention?” (That was the number of school days left at that point.) “Well, I might be out a day or two, and I don’t like to stick the subs with yahoos like you. They have enough to deal with in class, let alone riding herd onyou at break… So you might… Of course, I guess I could just roll those days over to next year, and you could start eighth grade having detention with your old pal Mr. Coward.” (It’s happened before. They think I’ll forget. I just have my student servant type up the list of names that are left on the board with time to serve, and send it as an e-mail to myself, or just tape it to my computer monitor. During the first week of school, I talk to their

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120 Seconds – The Two-Minute Book Report. (Remix)

January 13, 2010
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120 Seconds – The Two-Minute Book Report. (Remix)

This time (and next), it’s not quite a rerun. It’s more of a remix. Yeah, that’s it. Right now we’re in the midst (today was day 2) of our two-minute book reports. I posted about this last year about this time, so I’m going to use that previous post as the starting point, and embellish… I have always hated “book reports.” (Wait, I told my wife I would try to stop using that word.) I didn’t like writing them (took all the fun out of the book), I didn’t like reading them back when I thought I had to assign them. I don’t like the summarize kind, the analyze kind, the combo kind, the form letter kind, or the “make a diorama” kind.  (Well, some of the dioramas I used to get WERE pretty cool; the Lego version of the murder in the graveyard in Tom Sawyer was very detailed and boss, and I still have a shoebox/popcicle stick Tom Sawyer whitewashing scene from 1995, a matchstick Outsiders hide-out church from 1994, and Tom and Becky lost in a shoe-box cave, complete with bats. But still… If you do like book reports or feel the “need” to assign them , here

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Big Hat

July 28, 2009
By
Big Hat

(more shameless self-promotion) During the summer, one has more time for hobbies and such. I’m not much of a traveler (except for Vegas); in the summer I usually do a lot of what they used to call, puttering around. I like to carve tiki heads out of palm fronds (sweet revenge for the puncture incident), build outdoor versions of games like Pachinko and Shoot the Moon, record songs, and make videos. Mostly I’ve been making sk8 videos these days, but this one is a music video for one of my songs. Those couple of regulars out there might remember that I also have a penchant for doodling. Hope you like it.

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Random Featured Post

You Gotta Have a Shtick (or a stick).

One of the things I like to say about teaching junior high is down at the bottom of this page in the footer. You’re too lazy to scroll, aren’t you? Fine. “Five shows a day, 180 days a year.” And there aren’t many crowds tougher than 7th graders. “This is boring.” The worst of all sins. Most of us who teach junior high have a shtick. A role we play, some isms we like to use again and again. Idiosyncrasies we play up for entertainment/attention value (oh the sharing I get when we talk about that word idiosyncrasy during “Monsters are Due on Maple Street“). The key is to make the shtick such a natural part of the classroom routine, that it doesn’t distract too much. Well, sometimes we need the distraction. There’s the Raffle King. There’s the Timer. There are the clickers. The Cage. Mental Floss. Nutty videos. MYOB. All of these are stalwart features of my classroom shtick. And as of a few years ago, there’s also the Quiet Stick. (four or five years ago – me visiting another teacher’s classroom before school) “Leenie! What the shiggy are you doing? Where’d you get this, and WHY ARE YOU [...]

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Mr. Coward has been teaching on the beautiful central coast of California since 1989.

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