Steve Martin

OH NOOOOOO! (Part I)

June 14, 2010
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It’s never good news when your principal, as you’re rolling for home, says, “Can I get 5 minutes with you tomorrow morning…(wait a beat and a half)… about a scheduling issue?” (silently) What do you need me for? Scheduling is part of  the counselors’ job…hmmmm. (aloud) “No worries. See you tomorrow.” One of my favorite lines from my favorite movie, The Jerk, is when the repo guys are taking away all the furniture and such after Navin Johnson (Steve Martin) goes broke again. His wife, played by Bernadette Peters, is crying, and Navin tries to comfort her by telling her it’s just money, and they’re still in love, and etc. She says, crying, “It’s not losing all the money…It’s losing all the STUFF!” Well, my line at the meeting with my principal the next morning was, “It’s not teaching the eighth grade…It’s teaching the EIGHTH GRADERS!” Yes, after a 6 year reprieve, I will be having at least one period of eighth grade in the fall. Our incoming enrollment is down, so we have a lot more 8th graders than 7th graders next year. D’oh. It might actually be kind of fun; new novels to get into: Nothing But the

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Guest Artist: Creating Memorable Characters (Also: Chapter 6 rerun.)

October 14, 2009
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Guest Artist: Creating Memorable Characters (Also: Chapter 6 rerun.)

You can tell Susan Hinton was young when she wrote The Outsiders. Even as I read it aloud for the 60somethingth time (and still laugh and tear up), I see the repetitions and the plot holes and the shmaltz. But I don’t care, and neither do the kids. It’s the characters she created that bring the book to life. They are realistic, sympathetic characters who represent all the things that kids feel. They can see parts of themselves in various aspects of Pony (loner, spacey, high expectations for him that he has trouble living up to), Johnny (pushed around, bullied, but protected by the gang – sort of the runt of the litter), Dally (rebellious and angry, impetuous, loyal, confident), Soda (blessed with charisma, but not school-smart), Darry (the provider, the rock, but still unsure of how to play his new role as parent), Two-Bit (immature, yet wise and funny), Cherry (trapped by her image, unsure of who the real Cherry is), and so forth. (Boy howdy, as Pony would say, that was one heck of a sentence.) So I like to remind the kids of this as we read the book. It’s really all about the characters. Steve Martin,

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Random Featured Post

Oh Raffle King, Oh Raffle King…

(Sung — way off key, and sort of warbley — to the tune of “Oh Christmas Tree.”) I guess we need to talk about the King. On Wednesdays, after we go over the vocabulary homework, and discuss the words, I give them a vocabulary pretest. If they ace it (100%), they are exempt from the vocabulary portion of the Friday test. I used to have one of them flip a coin to decide whether or not I let them use their “cheat sheet” — the homework page we just went over and corrected — on the pretest. What they don’t believe when I tell them — even though it’s true — is that, on average, their scores on the pretest are lower when they use the cheat sheets, and fewer of them get an exemption. But they like to think it’s a security blanket, so I play along. Then I discovered the King. I would give you the URL of his creator’s web site, but he has some other, shall we say, inappropriate shtuff. (You can do a Google search if you really want to check it out.) So I took the liberty of “cloning” the King. If you click [...]

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Mr. Coward has been teaching on the beautiful central coast of California since 1989.

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