I haven’t taken off three days of instruction since I don’t know when. Sure, I did bolt for three days once (also to Vegas...for the boy’s fourth birthday) while the kids were in the library “researching.” That time I figured that between the sub, the librarian, and her hard-a**ed (in a good way) aide, things would be fine. I mean, help them find books, show them how to do a search or two, do some shushing, go one-on-one with a few to get them taking notes without copying; how hard could it be to cope without me and the stick for three days? I never heard the end of it. They were not on task, and the guest teacher wasn’t any help, and some of them still didn’t know what their topics were, and…” Welcome to my world. Anyway, this time the sub had to do some actual teaching. We’re just getting started on Tom Sawyer (thank goodness for the wiki/Moodle), and we’re getting mighty close (two more weeks! and then two weeks!) to spring break, so I can’t afford to “roll a movie” or whatever. The routine must be maintained. I was gone Monday through Wednesday, and I needed them ready for
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Before I get back to the district assessment scoring day, I have to give props to the sub (sorry, guest teacher) who filled in while I was eating snacks and reading papers and “calibrating.” The scene when I announce that I will be gone on a particular day plays out the same almost every time. The following is from last year when I went to my units’ 50 anniversary, but it could be from any time in the last 19 years. There’s a mixture of yeas and ooohs. I always play it up, “I see how it is. I’ll miss you guys too…” Then there’s the chorus of, “You should get ______. (S)he is the best!” (Insert three or four names of pushover-type “guest teachers” who resort to videos or games of Heads Up Seven Up.) Then there’s me saying, “I never request a particular sub, sorry–guest teacher; you guys will have to learn to cope with whomever they send at you. Sometimes they will send you a bonehead. In your life you will sometime, no doubt, have a bonehead for a boss. But guess what? He’s still the boss! So the watchwords are: silence and respect. If you end up with
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I had to take last Friday off (for travel to Suckromento), and it was the first time I’d taken a day off this year. It’s always the same the first time I tell them I will be gone. There’s a mixture of yeas and ooohs. I always play it up, “I see how it is. I’ll miss you guys too…” Then there’s the chorus of, “You should get ______. (S)he is the best!” (Insert three or four names of pushover-type “guest teachers” who resort to videos or games of Heads Up Seven Up.) Then there’s me saying, “I never request a particular sub, sorry–guest teacher; you guys will have to learn to cope with whomever they send at you. Sometimes they will send you a bonehead. In your life you will sometime, no doubt, have a bonehead for a boss. But guess what? He’s still the boss! So the watchwords are: silence and respect. If you end up with a bonehead, let me know, and he won’t be back. But you better be better for the sub than you are for me.” “What?” “I believe I said, ‘You better be better for the sub than you are for me.’ I
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Before I started student teaching, I “knew” I wanted to teach high school. I figured I ‘d have classes of juniors writing witty recreations of “The Nose” By Gogol, and other suchlike fantasies we only see in movies starring Robin Williams. My part-time student teaching (1988, I think) at a junior high (Legit! They were still called that then.) did nothing to change my mind. And even though juniors turned out to be a pain in my full-time student teaching heinie, I still thought that high school would be my milieu. (See, I could use words like that with them.) Aside: After that, I subbed for a year or so at both levels. I had a lot of fun. If you have the right attitude and weapons, and can afford to live on $85 a day, it’s a great job. TIP: When you have a sub (at our school they’re called guest teachers…hahaha), ask the sub to rate each class’s behavior on a scale of 1-10, taking into account cooperation and respect. Tell the sub, and the kids, that only scores of 8 and above are acceptable. I reward classes who score a perfect 10. I go old-school Catholic school
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This afternoon, I asked my friend and colleague, in his experiences with junior high, how many times he could remember seeing two seventh grade boys hugging. Sincerely. “Like a man-hug, or a real one?” “What’s a man hug?” “You know, you start out with the soul shake, and then you pull in and sorta bump chests, and then the other hand sorta slaps the back.” “Not that kind.” “Ummm. None.” “I knew it. It was a first for me too!” Milk and Cheese, the “True That” boys, were at it again. They were moving their desks closer together (again), like they like to do, and jabbering nonsense. Nothing major, and technically it was before class, but I said, “Well the quarter does end Friday, and I change up the seating chart every quarter, so next week I get to move you guys far, far apart.” One of our recent vocabulary words was crestfallen. I should have taken a picture of them to use as an example. Milk holds out both arms pleadingly (and it if it wasn’t sincere, he should be an actor) and says, “But…But…But… What about The Team?” OMG. The class is dying. Half of them are happy [...]
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That reminds me of those great SNL skits about the Sofa King. You know, how the prices are "Sofa King" low, the deals are "Sofa King" great, etc. (You obviously have to say those phrases out loud to get the joke.)