Teaching

Dog Days, Not Just Afternoons

March 2, 2012
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These are the dog days of the school year. It’s that time after the three-day-weekend fest of January and February (Monday after Christmas break, MLK day, end of semester teacher work day, Lincoln’s birthday, Washington’s birthday), but before spring break. It’s when everybody starts getting sick of each other, and the kids start cycling between bang-the-stick-on-the-desk sporty to bang-the-stick-on-the-desk lethargic… almost daily. It’s when you start seeing a lot of subs in the lunchroom, and kids in detention. It’s when the VP has to intrude on all the history classes and “remind students of the rules around here.” “It was only supposed to be 15 minutes, but Mr. SpongeBob ended up talking for 45 minutes. He kept walking out the door, and then would think of something to say again. And again. And again.” “Welcome to my world. Now you understand why I get crabby when I have to go to a faculty meeting. Or listen to the announcements.” “It was great. Mr. Valentine got all mad, and we got out of the quiz we were supposed to take.” sigh. Right now, we’re four weeks from a two week break. Our school board doesn’t like the two-week break that the

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90 Times.

February 8, 2012
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I swear, their timing is impeccable. Just as I start to feel better and (presumably) get less crabby, the kids start to aggravate even more than usual. But I guess I should be happy that, for a couple of them, there might have been a breakthrough. And yes, I still call them kids. I crack up at the teachers who say, “OK children…” Gawd, we would have died laughing if Sr. Enda, or even the hippy art teacher, had called us children. The art lady almost didn’t come back after our reaction to her calling us playbabies. I have preached again and again in this here blog about how important it is to have a routine in a junior high classroom. Because no matter how many times they say they hate it when things are always the same, the reality is that they cannot cope without regularity and a routine.  So my class is built around the weekly routine: Monday: Go over/explain homework for the week. (Like I tell parents at BTSN, “If they come home on Wednesday, saying Mr. Coward just assigned this and it’s due tomorrow…it’s a lie. They get it all on Monday.”) Warm up that intros

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Blogging the Scoring Session (Part I)

January 11, 2012
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Sounds vaguely obscene, doesn’t it? FINALLY! I have a working computer (a most excellent deal from Costco.com and it really screams) and my net connection is working again. Dang that dang Norton. I swear, I’m betting that almost all the antivirus software out there has been secretly created by virus-makers, in order to make us so frustrated with anti-virus software, that we shut it off and leave our machines unprotected. I know that’s pretty convoluted logic, but it’s been a long day wrastling with my computer and not teaching. I was at a district scoring session. Cue the Twilight Zone theme. Our district is trying to get out ahead of the curve with regard to the coming common core standards. Out new supe got the board to give him 6 mil to jack up test scores, and it looks like we’re trying to game the test in advance of it even being created (which is about 2014). Much of the money was spent on what we call TOSA’s (pronounced TOE-sah): Teachers on Special Assignment. These are teachers that leave the classroom for a year or two or three, and move up to the DO and try to get the rest of us

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The 12 Days of Christmas?! (Hope it’s not ALL coal.)

December 7, 2011
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The 12 Days of Christmas?! (Hope it’s not ALL coal.)

I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions.  (I’ll wait while you go read that post. Really, you should. Then you’ll understand when I say, “Well at first I was like…”) OK. But I have made a December 7 resolution. I’m going to post 12 times between now and Christmas Eve. So here we go. On the first day of Christmas… I’m hoping we have some DEVO fans out there. I’ve been feeling a little crabby lately for various little reasons, and so the idea of  ”Whipping it good”  is rather appealing lately. So along comes this handy flowchart. But first you might want to rock to the song a bit before tackling the flowchart. NOW, you’re ready. Click for the full-size.  Feel free to implement the procedure in your classroom. You’re welcome.  

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An E-Mail Only a MS Teacher Could Write

November 20, 2011
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(to: my vice principal - 11/18/11) Joe, You know I was reluctant to let my room be the holding cell for your permanent lunch detention crew. At first things were pretty good, so I thought I was being a bit hasty in worrying so much, but in the last few days… There’s been some food on the floor. Mostly those large grapes from the cafeteria. A pizza crust Tuesday, but almost every day this week there has been a grape here and grape there. I think they’re mostly concentrated close to that stage area that I have by the front door. Two got squished on the floor, one got squished on a desk, and Jimmy N. ate one from under his desk today. He said it was tasty. I know, eww. But he was too quick for me and we all thought he was joking. Could you please have the wardens in charge start having the crims detail the room before the bell rings?  And please start opening the doors a bit before lunch ends to air the place out. It smelled like chicken yesterday. Other than that it’s been ok. Thanks a lot. mark

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Random Featured Post

Three-Word Phrases

Seventh graders “communicate” mostly in three-word phrases. If the phrase isn’t really only three words long, they can usually pare it down. “What’d I miss?” It sounds like  “Wuddeyemiss.” And it always comes right as you’re starting class. Raise your hand if you have had this happen in the past week. Past three days? Today? AAAAAARGH.  They want 54 stellar, well-planned and executed minutes of instruction summarized for them in 30 seconds as the class bustles in.  What did you miss? “Absolutely nothing. You might as well take the rest of the year off. CHECK THE WEB PAGE! COME BACK AT BREAK!” “Oh yeah. I forgot.” LOL (These days, they’re getting it down to three-letter phrases.) “What’s my grade?” This one is usually from the kid whose grade is in the bottom 15% , and s/he finally turned something in, and wants immediate gratification. And it always happens right in the middle of something else, something totally unrelated.  Yesterday we were talking about how Charlotte is finally seeing Captain Jaggery for what he really is. (Aside: If you haven’t read The True Adventures of Charlotte Doyle by Avi, I highly recommend it. I picked it up a few years ago [...]

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Mr. Coward has been teaching on the beautiful central coast of California since 1989.

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