I think I figured out why I hate Twitter. I like the details. One hundred forty something characters ain’t enough to give the details. I want the details, baby.

The details:
First Day Scream
As I “tweeted” yesterday, I had forgotten to explain to my new homies…

(Aside: Our first period is ten minutes longer than the others, and that extra ten minutes is referred to as Home Base. The name is left over from when it used to be a separate class that was thirty minutes long and was supposed to foster that “connection” that is so important in the “middle school model.” Oh yeah, and we were supposed to teach citizenship and coping skills and whatnot. Now it’s when we listen to the bulletin poorly read, collect magazine sales, and-in my class anyway–watch nutty videos. But I never could bring myself to call it Home Base; it sounds so…so…geeky. The old school meaning of geeky, not the tech-savvy version. So I have always referred to it as Homie Base, and my first period crew as my homies.)

…why it has been a thing with all my homies over the past few years to scream when we are asked to “hand over our hearts” for the flag salute.  So when the VP said the magic words, I let out a nice, blood-curdling one, and added an OH THE PAIN flourish just because. All heads tilted like dogs, all eyes stared, and the pledge was mighty thin and quiet. They were verrry quiet during the announcements.

And then there was a boatload of announcements, and I started in on my first day spiel, and I sort of forgot to explain. So I’m sure there were some fine dinner table conversations last night.

“…and then Mr. Coward started screaming, and then he did the pledge, and then…his stick…and so…well…then he had this sign thing that says QUIET, but it’s broken on the edges…I don’t know if…”

So today I remembered to explain the deal, and of course they’re all in. It was a good hearty one today, but I’m sure they can do better.

Class Size Details:
I think my admin felt sorry for me having to deal with this whole video class thing, because the other 7th grade English teacher says her numbers are all over thirty. We do have TWO periods of “accelerated” English, so I’m thinking there will be some attrition, and that maybe my classes are set up to absorb the ones who can’t cope with assignments like this. It’s happened before. Oh yeah, like last year. Natasha (from the comment column), I feel your pain, but only some of it. I have never even approached 40. I think 35 was my biggest ever, back when I was a young buck, and I do remember cutting back on writing assignments that year. And complaining to the principal. We all know how much good that did. Our pe classes have about 48 in each. ZOMG.

Handshaking Details:
I don’t even high five with the kids because they’re way too germy. Handshake? OMG Heather (from the comment column), how are you not sick half the year? Even the fist bump is pushing it. How about we go for the Japanese stylie bow and the “Thank you Sensei” ? From six or more feet away.

My Boy in My Class Details:
Today in that period they were working in partners, and I was hanging out near a couple of pairs, when one of the ones near me points to G$ (his preferred nickname), and asks,

“Does that kid have the same last name as you?”

“Yes.”  A pause.

“Is he your son?”

“Yes.” A pause.

“He doesn’t look like you.”

“Lucky him.”