Joe B, one of my recent 120 Seconds presentation examples, has been feeling a bit sporty these days. I have him on what we call, “Perma-Detention.”
“You keep coming in at break until I tell you to stop. And that won’t be any time soon, at the rate you’re going…looks like until AT LEAST the end of the year.”
“So, I have 88 more days of detention?” (That was the number of school days left at that point.)
“Well, I might be out a day or two, and I don’t like to stick the subs with yahoos like you. They have enough to deal with in class, let alone riding herd onyou at break… So you might… Of course, I guess I could just roll those days over to next year, and you could start eighth grade having detention with your old pal Mr. Coward.” (It’s happened before. They think I’ll forget. I just have my student servant type up the list of names that are left on the board with time to serve, and send it as an e-mail to myself, or just tape it to my computer monitor. During the first week of school, I talk to their current English teacher, who’s only too happy to oblige me.)
Lately, Joe’s had a lot of company. They’re all feeling mighty sporty lately. The crew in at break has been as large as 15, not counting no-shows (another day added). The way our schedule works, seventh grade break when these geniuses are serving detention, overlaps with eighth grade second period, which is the schedule my servants follow. So they have to sit and watch the show for 10 minutes. “Chris” slowly shakes his head, and looks worried for the future of the human race. “Tracy” just laughs bemusedly as I try to ride herd. Back to Joe:
He earned himself another extension…
(“How do you extend Perma-Detention?”
“I’ll make sure someone at the high school takes care of it for me.”)
…by interrupting me, to make the observation that his definition of detention is,
“All of Mr. Coward’s funniest students in one room at the same time.”
I guess it depends on what your definition of funny is.
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Last Friday’s doodle theme was a new fave of mine. Last year on Pink Friday (here in California, there was a host of layoffs…looks like it might happen again…), we came up with the theme of doodling an alternative career for Mr. Coward, if he were to get pink-slipped (no chance).
This year, the art was less-than-stellar, but the range of job choices was wide. Here is just a sampling:
mafia boss
taxi driver
human cannonball
clown
US marine
hair stylist
assassin
human magic 8-ball (not sure how that would pay)
cubicle worker drone
door-to-door salesman (it was unclear what I was selling)
call-center employee
cell phone salesman (they REALLY don’t understand the depth of my phone issues)
hobo (again!)
tv talk show host
rock star (even with the haircut)
“alternative” Santa
It’s good to know they think I have other skills to fall back on.
That reminds me of those great SNL skits about the Sofa King. You know, how the prices are "Sofa King" low, the deals are "Sofa King" great, etc. (You obviously have to say those phrases out loud to get the joke.)