I have a giant palm tree in my back yard. It is at least 35 feet tall now. When last we reported on this tree, almost EIGHT YEARS AGO(!?), it gave me temporary stigmata on my left hand–I’m talking crucifixion baby. But the other side of the story is that I like to carve tiki-stylie  heads out of the big ol’ butts of the big ol’ branches that fall down from it.  Essay Collector’s head is an example. Maybe one of these days I will post pix of some of the dozens I have carved over the years. I am not a big picture-taker though, so I wouldn’t hold my breath. Also, quite a few have been made into homes by those big ol’ carpenter bees and  some noisy woodpeckers, and many of the heads now have extra holes everywhere or are turning to powder.

Part Two of backstory: The local Harley Davidson hut went bankrupt awhile back. But by hut I mean vast megalopolis. Really. This place was like 25,000 square feet. But when I toured it with my real estate friend, it was almost empty. Except for the Harley-themed Coke machine I was there to scavenge AND one of those headless half-mannequins that they used to display tight fitting tee-shirts and tank-tops. So I snaked that too. Back home, I stuffed the “neck” of one of my tiki heads into the hole in the top, et voila: another assistant. Then I dressed him in the Circle K uniform shirt that I mooched off a Circle K dude back in the day and attached a note.

But I didn’t attach the head very well. So eventually and inevitably, one of the riff-raff hit the table he was on with one of the massive backpacks they wear, and the head went flying.

The head now hangs next to the Keeper of the Spelling Wall of Shame, and the torso has been re-purposed.

Behold the Quiver! All my favorite “cylinders of discipline” in one handy location. Let’s take inventory. Beginning from left, we have The Stick. This one is the real deal. It even got its own post when first it was bestowed on me, salvaged from the garage of my then 90-something gramma.

Next up is one of several swords I inherited from the drama lady when she retired, and I took over the room for my one period of video production elective. It is nice and wide and good for slapping on the plastic garbage cans out in the quad. A real attention-getter, this one.

In the background, we can just catch a glimpse of the light saber, also previously blogged about. Next to it, we have the “Bling Stick,” another inheritance from the drama lady. It’s covered with silver spangles, and when I rotate it in front of my lcd projector, I get a beauty imitation of a disco ball in action. It’s made of wood, so it also has good whacking power.

Tucked in the back there, just barely visible, is another nod to the old school. It’s just a simple wooden yard stick. Another very noisy option. Added Bonus: I can measure shoulder strap width for dress code violations from a couple feet away.

We finish the armory tour with a few more back up swords, one of which has the busted tip that led to the deployment of the light saber. One of them is foam, good for “hurrying people along,” if you know what I mean.

Awhile back, I hosted a department meeting in my room, and one of the other English teachers looked at the Quiver and said,

“I heard about some sort of decapitation from the kids, but I didn’t really get what they were talking about… until now… and I still don’t get it.”