Just a few choice seventh grade lines, sort of Art Linkletter stylie.
From Wednesday’s vocabulary pretest:
1. The sub was slow to realize when something was ____; he thought everything was fine. a) forlorn b) amiss c) apathetic d) earnest e) crestfallen
Now I’ve used this one before, and I can’t remember anyone not knowing I meant substitute teacher. But this year…
“On number one, you mean sandwich, right?”
“Sub. You mean like sub sandwich?”
“Ummm. No. Substitute. Guest teacher.” (Pounding head on podium.)
Now I hear other murmurings:
“I thought it was submarine…You know, like they didn’t know it was leaking or something.”
From Friday’s Mental Floss:
Sid and Nancy were comparing information about their siblings. At one point Sid said, “My older brother was born on the Fourth of July. I remember the day because I was watching the fireworks.” Nancy immediately knew it was a lie. How did she know?
The Mental Floss really frustrates some of them. In a good way. There are some who almost never get any right (there’s no penalty for guessing; it’s all extra credit), but most of them get this one. Most of them. “Micah” was waving his arms around (along with everybody else) when I asked for volunteers on this one. He’s one of the ones that don’t get too many right, so I thought I’d let him get one.
“They don’t allow fireworks next to hospitals.”
A roar of laughter. And this is the friendly and supportive class.
“Wait, I know. He was in his mother’s stomach and she couldn’t have…and so she…wait…”
“Micah. It says older brother. So his younger sister couldn’t have…”
“I don’t know, I don’t have an older brother.”
On Thursday in the friendly class, the subject of spanking came up. We are reading Tom Sawyer after all, with a schoolmaster who has a rack of switches on the wall, and a whole buncha ways to say hit. So I asked them how many of them had been spanked. I usually don’t get more than a 25% positive response to that question. But surprisingly, in my friendliest class, at least 3/4 of the hands went up. Even Politeness Girl. I was shocked. So was the class.
“We’re just having trouble imagining you doing anything that would get you spanked. And I can’t picture you doing your “Yay!” that we love so much (she says “Yay!” to everything) at the prospect of getting spanked. Wait a minute. It must have worked!”