One of my standard lines I use when I get frustrated with the “I’m confused’s” and the I’ve-only-said-this-10-times-already’s is,

“I thought mankind was supposed to be evolving, where each generation gets smarter than the previous one. We seem to be DE-volving around here.”

A gold star if you recognize the Devo reference.

Of course, the standard response is, “What?”

Where was I headed with this again? Oh yes…

If I were to play crabby old guy (one of my favorite roles) for awhile and complain about the youth of today, my biggest complaint would be the lack of imagination. It’s a generation of imitators. I hesitate sometimes to show too many good examples–as opposed to the bad ones I publicly rip apart–because I end up with so many knock-offs of the examples.

And this relates to the topic at hand how, might you ask?

Well, when I actually had a few minutes the other day for the off-topic q/a session, I was again disappointed by the dearth of ¬†good questions. It was all…

“What’s your favorite color?” (Really?)

“Which is your favorite class” (You’re all my “special” class.)

“If you could be any animal you wanted…” (Again, really?)

“What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?” (I almost told him to shut up and get a life. If he had asked what I would do for a Klondike pinball machine, that’d be a whole ‘nother kettle of fish.)

“What is your favorite book?” (Warmer, but still of the annoying “what’s your fave?” category. Tough call, BTW. Right now I would say a tie between Ghostwritten and Little Big Man, but that is always subject to change.)

After I said that there would be no more “what’s your fave…?” questions, things got marginally better. Marginally.

“Do you even own a car?” (Of course. They are a necessary evil. Vegas is too far to walk or ride my bike.)

“How old are you?” (51.)

“Is there a Mrs. Coward?” (Yes.)

“What’s her name? ” (MYOB.)

“Do you have a dog?” (C0smo.)

I take a break and berate them for their lack of good questions. I finally get a decent one. The problem is that it’s ripped off from the doodle theme of the day.


“What job would you have if you could have any job in the world?”

“I already have it. And as I have said many times before, you’ll know when I don’t like this job any more because I won’t be here.”

(Full disclosure: After they left, I remembered what my true dream job would actually be. I want Jeff Probst’s job on Survivor.)