“So what exactly is a cult?”

“A baby horse.” (No lie. I got it all day on Monday.)

“A bunch of people who wear robes.”

“So if I wear a robe, I could be in a cult?”


“They chant and moan a lot.”

“And sing really bad in a weird language.”

(me) “I think Apple is a cult.”


“What is this community really all about? Why are they doing this? What do they want most of all? Want do they want to be rid of?”

“Too many people.”

“Annoying people.”


“Weirdness. I mean that’s what they want. This whole thing is weird.”

By third period, some have heard that I am looking for the word conflict. Those ones look very smart at this point.


“What are the biggest causes of conflict here in our world?”


“Wouldn’t that be a result or an effect of conflict?”

“Oh yeah… Guns!”


“Annoying people!”


To be fair they did also get to, among other things, religion, racism, money (the blanket term for coveting thy neighbor’s goods, be that money, oil, water, real estate, or iPhone), the Stirrings–coveting thy neighbor’s wife, so to speak–which they called jealousy, and insanity.

I kind of like the “annoying people” one.


“Why do men REALLY start wars and try to get rich and powerful and fight and cause conflicts?”

This one they knew.

“To impress the LAY- DEEES.”


And finally, from the peanut gallery: “If the males are taking the Pills to stop the Stirrings, how do they get the stuff to put in the turkey baster?”

“Well, I guess they would-”

(from 4H girl) “From the freezer!”