Latest Story

A Moment of Insightful Self-Awareness (and Then It’s Gone)

January 25, 2012
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I have one of those kids this year whom it’s really hard to get mad at because: 1) He’s funny, and 2) He just can’t help it. Really. When someone says something, and he reacts, you can almost see the marionette strings being yanked as he does one of those double-take head shakes like in the cartoons. He’s just thought of something to say…so out it comes. He has this almost stream of consciousness patter going sometimes, and it is as fascinating to watch and listen to as it is disruptive. Today I called on him for an answer, partly because I wanted to yank his strings and bring him back to reality, and partly because I could see that he had the right answer on his sheet. So I thought it was win-win. No dice, cheese slice. “Tyrell? How about number four?” “Umm. Ok. I got this one. Let’s see…(pretends to peruse paper carefully; even pretending to put in a monacle or something, and scrunching up his face in concentration and stroking his invisible goatee) Ok… That’s a compound sentence. That it is. Like a compound bow. Man, those things shoot far. I saw once…” “D’oh! Tyrell. That’s a simple

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“The Sub Used One of Your Sticks!”

January 23, 2012
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Before I get back to the district assessment scoring day, I have to give props to the sub (sorry, guest teacher) who filled in while I was eating snacks and reading papers and “calibrating.” The scene when I announce that I will be gone on a particular day plays out the same almost every time. The following is from last year when I wen to my units’ 50 anniversary, but it could be from any time in  the last 19 years.  There’s a mixture of yeas and ooohs. I always play it up, “I see how it is. I’ll miss you guys too…” Then there’s the chorus of, “You should get ______. (S)he is the best!” (Insert three or four names of pushover-type “guest teachers” who resort to videos or games of Heads Up Seven Up.) Then there’s me saying, “I never request a particular sub, sorry–guest teacher; you guys will...

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The Future of Space Travel

January 18, 2012
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Ok, so… Almost all of my seventh graders, for years now, have prefaced every story or new thought with the words, “OK, so…” Do yours do something like that or is it just my quirky crew? I’m back and I no longer hate computers. Just anti-virus software. I digress once again, and I haven’t even started. Now that I have a working ‘net connection again, I can interrupt my other various ramblings to bring you a classic seventh grade character, the astronaut. Astronauts (many formerly known as Space Cadets) are those students who spend much of their time away from the place we call Earth. Seventh grade is full of them. They’re the ones who finally splashdown, give a startled look around at everyone half done with something, and raise their hands to ask what. They’re the ones that ask the question you just answered. They’re the ones who can’t tell...

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Argh…Sometimes I Hate Computers!

January 17, 2012
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…even new ones. See you tomorrow. (Guess I coulda’ used Twitter for something like that, huh? Or Springface.)

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Blogging the Scoring Session (Part I)

January 11, 2012
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Sounds vaguely obscene, doesn’t it? FINALLY! I have a working computer (a most excellent deal from Costco.com and it really screams) and my net connection is working again. Dang that dang Norton. I swear, I’m betting that almost all the antivirus software out there has been secretly created by virus-makers, in order to make us so frustrated with anti-virus software, that we shut it off and leave our machines unprotected. I know that’s pretty convoluted logic, but it’s been a long day wrastling with my computer and not teaching. I was at a district scoring session. Cue the Twilight Zone theme. Our district is trying to get out ahead of the curve with regard to the coming common core standards. Out new supe got the board to give him 6 mil to jack up test scores, and it looks like we’re trying to game the test in advance of it even...

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No Groove Yet (Also: The Giver and No Homework Returns)

January 5, 2012
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I don’t know about you guys (remember the old Electric Company intro: “Hey You Guys!”), but I’m having trouble finding any sort of groove so far in 2012. The kids are all dopey and spacey (I know; how can you tell?), nothing much is happening around school, my student servant doesn’t even have much to do right now, things are just feeling …weird. … They seem to be enjoying The Giver though. I have a Q/A each day before the reading quiz, and the questions have been coming fast and furious. “They don’t know what elephants are? What are they, stupid?” “Are all the kids adopted?” “So you don’t get to pick who you marry?” (Ask Depeesha over there in the third row.) “Why do they call it a family unit?” (What? They’ve never seen the Coneheads?) ‘Why aren’t there any cars?” (THAT sounds like utopia to me.) “Why...

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Still Here

January 4, 2012
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I didn’t keep my December resolution…obviously. I haven’t had a working computer for two weeks now, and I HATE trying to type on my tablet. My new computer should be here in the next few days, and I will be able to unleash the torrent of posts that have been backing up. hahahahaha I am looking forward to digging into Mr. M’s latest issue. We are getting some similar pressure around these parts too, and I am resisting it. So are several of our wily veterans. This one really fries my bacon.  More tonight, when I can hijack the boy’s computer. Before I get back to work, I just have to share the post that was supposed to happen on Christmas Eve. We were hanging out at my parents with one of my brothers and his family on Christmas Eve, and my dad puled out a sheet of Christmas-carol-themed...

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Obligatory Santa Video

December 19, 2011
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Now that the boy is in seventh grade, his mom has been reminiscing about when he was just a little boy. (Phew… caught that one. The autocorrect thought I was trying too type little booty.) Since it’s Christmas time, of course she busted out his most famous impersonation. This is from when the boy was four. I’d submit it to America’s Funniest Home Videos, but I think it might be too long for tv. Ho. Ho. Ho. http://mrcoward.com/xmas2k3.mov I’m cutting this pretty close, ain’t I?

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One Got Fat?

December 16, 2011
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Six. Thanks for all the groovy comments lately… Today was the last day before winter break. For once I’m not going into vacation with a pile of stuff (the autocorrect got rid of the s I usually put in that word… and it didn’t know from the word autocorrect…ok now it does) to grade, because I gave the new district benchmark the other day, and took advantage of the time for once. More on that there benchmark thing after the vacay. I’m going to be part of the group reading the essay response post, which is also new, and I’m figuring that things might get a mite ugly. And so today we were down to some mental floss, a quick quiz, and about 15-20 minutes or so of chill time. I tried not to show a video, I really did. At least this one is educational. And I will...

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Hi?

December 15, 2011
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Day five. My computer just died, so I am blogging from my 99 dollah HP Touchpad. It’s hacked to be an Android tablet. I’m not really used to typing on these here touchscreen things. I hope I don’t end up on DamnYouAutocorrect.com. We’ve been finishing up The Midwife’s Apprentice. (I feel like I’m trying to imitate Hemingway with all these short, choppy sentences.) Today we’re at the end where Alyce knocks on the the midwife’s door and gets rejected. So I stop and ask… “Why? What does Jane want Alyce to say?” Now just couple of days ago we were at the part where Jane visits the inn, and pulls a Magister Reese while talking to Magister Reese, indirectly telling Alyce that she needed to learn to not give up. I had stopped then, and we made a big deal of it. So,silly me, I thought they were ready...

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Random Featured Post

You Gotta Have a Shtick (or a stick).

One of the things I like to say about teaching junior high is down at the bottom of this page in the footer. You’re too lazy to scroll, aren’t you? Fine. “Five shows a day, 180 days a year.” And there aren’t many crowds tougher than 7th graders. “This is boring.” The worst of all sins. Most of us who teach junior high have a shtick. A role we play, some isms we like to use again and again. Idiosyncrasies we play up for entertainment/attention value (oh the sharing I get when we talk about that word idiosyncrasy during “Monsters are Due on Maple Street“). The key is to make the shtick such a natural part of the classroom routine, that it doesn’t distract too much. Well, sometimes we need the distraction. There’s the Raffle King. There’s the Timer. There are the clickers. The Cage. Mental Floss. Nutty videos. MYOB. All of these are stalwart features of my classroom shtick. And as of a few years ago, there’s also the Quiet Stick. (four or five years ago – me visiting another teacher’s classroom before school) “Leenie! What the shiggy are you doing? Where’d you get this, and WHY ARE YOU [...]

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Mr. Coward has been teaching on the beautiful central coast of California since 1989.

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Recent Comments

  • mrC commented on “The Sub Used One of Your Sticks!”That one oughta be strung up like they used to do to horse thieves.
  • Heather commented on “The Sub Used One of Your Sticks!”The last sub I had left no note at all and broke the arm of my spinny chair by leaning back in it so far that he fell in the floor. The kids all said he was the best sub ever. I politely asked the school secretary to never have him sub in
  • mrC commented on The Future of Space Travel@Heather: Gawd I hate that. I think I even posted about it awhile back. @Kelli: This reminds me of high school. I went to a Jesuit high school (all boys) and for our Friday football rallies, we would import cheerleaders from other schools to be a part of the rally. And the girls would always begin
  • Heather commented on The Future of Space TravelMy eighth graders just have the habit of prefacing every question with, "I have a question." And announcing "I'm done" when they complete an assignment.
  • Kelli commented on The Future of Space TravelIs it bad that I sometimes start my stories with "Okay, so...."...? I guess the kids have rubbed off on me. Sigh.
  • Kelli commented on Blogging the Scoring Session (Part I)Ugh! Been there. I have been to those "Scoring and Rubric" type meetings in two different states now... Not fun, and not entirely informative, either.
  • Meg commented on No Groove Yet (Also: The Giver and No Homework Returns)There was a district I student taught in that hand the no fail policy. I child could not be held back a grade, even if they did absolutely nothing the whole year, until they were in high school. It took most of the middle schoolers about 3 seconds to realize they didn't have
  • Kelli commented on No Groove Yet (Also: The Giver and No Homework Returns)You know, that whole "no-zero" policy goes hand-in-hand with the "no-failure" or "no-retention" policy, and my school district is a definite contributor to this madness. I can understand the desire to stop giving zeros and MAKE the kids do the work (giving countless opportunities until successful), but I have been in a situation where
  • commented on Obligatory Santa VideoWe have an unofficial "no zero" policy. It takes a little extra effort on the teacher's part to get all of the students to complete their assignments but we have made it work. The thing that was most helpful was instituting a "homework detention" that is separate from discipline detention. If a
  • Mrs. M~ commented on Obligatory Santa VideoOur school implemented the "no zero" policy a couple of years ago, although it is not hard-and-fast. An occasional zero still slips by once in a while. None of the staff was really sold on it until we read 'Power of ICU' by Danny Hill and Jayson Nave. The two authors (who
  • Mr. M commented on Obligatory Santa VideoAlright...another teaching topic to discuss on the message boards. Hopefully I can get some good dialogue going as I did with my last dilemma. The following is taking place in my school: New Principal. New Assistant Principal. The new administration has come in wanting to make a BIG change in the
  • Mrs. M commented on One Got Fat?That video is creepy and wrong on so many levels. Right? Right. Those monkey masks will haunt my dreams. Great message--if your friends all get involved in near-fatal accidents, you will get fat from eating their lunches. Right? Right.
  • Mrs. M~ commented on Hi?That reminds me of an experience from one of my college lit classes. It was right before Christmas, and we were supposed to be reading some horribly long, dry novel--I cannot even remember what it was right now. The teacher sensed that none of us had actually finished it, so she gave us